Sometimes the lyrics to a Queen song are just so spot-on
that it’s painful. Okay, to be honest, the first song that popped into
my head as I wrote that sentence was Fat-Bottom
Girls (which do indeed make the rockin’ world go ‘round), but what I’m
actually talking about is the first line of Bohemian
Rhapsody – “Is this the real life, is this just fantasy?” These lyrics
apply in both good times and bad. Some days I look at my life and wonder how
I’ve managed to design a life that I really love – and other days I look at it
and wonder how I got myself into this nightmare!
Before I came to Northeast Ohio, I was attending a PhD
program at a #1 research institution, doing research that I hated with and
for people I didn’t like…not even a little. The majority of the time, I was
completely miserable. I loved the teaching, loved the town, and the fact that I
could take my dog into the woods and roam about for hours, but I also
recognized that none of that was why I was there. And none of those loves were
enough to outweigh the fact that I was spending countless hours of my life
doing work that I didn’t love.
Fast-forward 8 years and my life is completely different. In
some ways it is better, and in other ways it's worse, but the biggest difference
between now and 8 years ago are two resolutions that I made and have kept (and
keep renewing) all these years – the first was a resolution to start actively
living a life that I wanted, the second was a resolution to be content with
whatever life I was living at the moment.
The Balancing Act
Essentially, I decided to live an emotionally balanced life;
going after my dreams and goals, while being okay with whatever daily grind I
have to do to get there. The reason the balancing act is important is because
I’m not (nor have ever been) rich, wealthy, or well-off; I couldn’t swipe a
card or write a check to start making my dreams come true. I had to do the
work. And boy, that work is hard and sometimes painful. But in the end, it’s
much more rewarding.
How did I do it? The key for me was not doing it all at
once. It was around the holiday season in 2007 that I decided to make a simple,
but significant change. I decided that I was going to move to Cleveland. I
didn’t quit my PhD program, I had completed all of my coursework and
comprehensive exams, and I didn’t need to stay in the town to write my
dissertation; I simply decided to move. That simple decision was the
beginning of a series of simple, but significant decisions, all leading me to
living a life that I truly love. Each year, I made a new resolution to walk
forward into the life that I have now. Deciding to Make a Change
So you’re wondering how I got here or if this is just who I
am and that’s why it works for me? I can’t even begin to tell you how “not me”
this whole thing is. I wasn’t raised to go for my dreams or to be content with
what I have. I was raised to get a fantastic education and to achieve the
standard societal goals (job, marriage, house, kids) and that my happiness was
contingent on those achievements. I’m not sure I’ve mentioned it, but I don’t
have any of those things, and I absolutely love my life. But, it was hard to
decide to go against the grain and do something different from what I was taught
and what my family expected of me. It was difficult, but obviously not
impossible. All I really had to do was decide to make the change. I had to
choose the harder path, the one that wasn’t already carved out, the one that no
one in my family had taken – we’re not talking Robert Frost “Path less traveled
by”, we’re talking Lewis & Clark uncharted territory
Look, my point in talking about this now is this…New Year’s
Day brings about the pressure to resolve to make changes in our lives – but
those changes are always pretty standard stuff (lose 10 lbs, get a new job,
spend more time with the kids, go on more dates). What helped me wasn’t looking
at my entire life and trying to change it all, but looking at my biggest pain
and deciding what I was willing to give up to change it. This new year, don’t
be like everyone else. Evaluate your life, highlight your pain, ignore the
negative voices (especially the ones in your own head), and make a decision to
change just one thing…but make that thing the one significant thing that will
honestly change your life. And resolve to be okay with charting your own course
to the life of your dreams.
*Written by Lindsay S., avid dreamer and Redwood resident.
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